Cancer Warriors: We were made for these times!
How cancer survivors are uniquely prepared to deal with the emotional turmoil of COVID19
by Melanie Stachelski, MA
Cancer Counselor and Psychotherapist
Colorado Cancer Counseling
Calm. Clear-headed. Rational. Measured.
Unfortunately, NONE of these words describe how I reacted to the global outbreak of Coronavirus!! Instead, I spiraled quickly into a place of fear and catastrophe.
Did any of you do the same?!?
When I finally got my wits about me enough to snap out of it, I realized that I actually already had all of the emotional tools I needed to successfully navigate this crisis. They are the same tools that I gained by facing a cancer diagnosis and treatment, and they are the same things that I teach my clients with cancer every day.
In the strangest way, cancer survivors are uniquely prepared to deal with the emotional turmoil of Coronavirus because they have already faced many of the issues that our society is now grappling with:
Fear of an unknown (and often invisible threat)
Feeling overwhelmed, disoriented, and anxious
Hypervigilance about viruses and germs
The loss of your sense of safety and predictability in the world
Isolation and the contraction of your social life
A dark uncertainty about the future
Does this sound familiar? It is what cancer survivors experience every day.
Now, I KNOW that as cancer patients and survivors we are incredibly vulnerable to COVID19 and other viruses because our immune systems have been compromised. I don’t want to diminish that or make light of it in any way.
However, even in the face of danger we have the ability to control how we respond to a threat and the attitude we adopt in our response.
In this article, I will outline some of the tools and resources that have helped my clients successfully navigate the difficult journey through cancer. I believe these are some of the same things that can help us to stay grounded in the face of this new threat of Coronavirus.
These tools include techniques to calm your body, calm you mind, and find meaning – even in the hardest times.
Here is my quick outline:
Techniques to Calm Your Body
Techniques to Calm Your Mind
Mindfulness Apps for Your Phone and Computer
Practice Self-Care
Meaning Making
The Psychology Of Uncertainty
Our country is in limbo right now, and no one can tell us exactly what will unfold over the next several months. People with cancer often find themselves in a similar state of limbo where they can’t possibly imagine what their future, and a life after cancer, will look like.
This UNCERTAINTY is one of the hardest parts of a cancer diagnosis - and Coronavirus, too!
How many of you always expect the worst to happen, because at least then you won’t be caught off guard?
I hear this so often! And it makes sense.
If you’re like most people, uncertainty can cause you tremendous anxiety - even more anxiety than expecting the worst. Why?
Well, our brains are wired for survival. It wants to keep us safe. And if your brain can’t predict exactly what’s going to happen, it doesn’t feel safe. Uncertainty equals danger.
So instead, our mind will instead make up all kinds of stories, worst case scenarios, and jump to scary conclusions. We often overestimate threats and underestimate our ability to handle them - all in the name of survival.
When we feel uncertain, our stress response goes crazy. We feel like we can’t relax until we have an answer - even if it’s bad news. That’s why waiting for certainty can feel like torture by a million tiny cuts.
You can read more about The Psychology of Uncertainty here.
Calm Your Body
Our nervous system can become overwhelmed and dysregulated in a time of crisis. When you are faced with a threat such as a cancer diagnosis or the Coronavirus, your survival brain goes into overdrive and you may find yourself feeling anxious, tense, and hyper-vigilant. A crucial part of healing from trauma is to begin to find ways to feel safe and calm in your body.
Check in with your body: Where are you holding tension? In your shoulders? Your jaw?
How is your breathing: is it deep or shallow?
Try these simple techniques to begin to calm your body:
Take Ten Breaths
This is a simple exercise to center yourself and connect with your environment. Practice it throughout the day, especially any time you find yourself getting caught up in your thoughts and feelings.
Body Scan with a Healing White Light
This is a beautiful progressive relaxation that helps to reduce tension and promote a positive imagery for healing. Guided meditations and positive mental imagery can help you to reduce stress, lower blood pressure, increase compassion and boost your overall well-being.
You can read the text HERE.
Or, if you would prefer to listen while someone guides you through a Body Scan, you can watch a different version in the video below:
Healing Meditation by Kelly Howell
This is one of my very favorite guided meditations! It will guide you through a deepening relaxation, with a focus on healing and renewal. Give this meditation a try (or any guided meditation that resonates with you!) in order to send positive messages to your body about your belief in your immune system’s natural ability to defend against and heal from illness. This meditation is also available for FREE on YouTube and on many streaming services, such as Spotify!
Retrieve Your Destiny by Kelly Howell
This meditation will especially resonate with people who are feeling anxious and uncertain about the future, whether due to a cancer diagnosis or the Coronavirus pandemic. It will guide you to envision and embody a vibrant future, as well as to generate new ideas, opportunities and possibilities for your life. This meditation is also available for FREE on YouTube and on many streaming services, such as Spotify!
Calm Your Mind
The ability for our mind to conceptualize the past and the future can be very useful. It allows us to reflect on and learn from the past, and to predict and plan for the future. But unfortunately, this can also create problems.
After a cancer diagnosis, it is common to spend a lot of time obsessing about the past (“How did this happen? What did I do wrong?”), and worrying about what might happen in the future (“What if I get bad side effects from the chemo? What if the treatment doesn’t work?”).
It is easy to get into the same patterns of thinking regarding the Coronavirus: “How did this happen? What could people have done differently? What will happen if I am exposed to the virus? What is going to happen in the future?”
But the truth is that no amount of worrying will change the future, and no amount of regret will change the past. Instead, it will only add to your current fear, stress, and anxiety. And meanwhile, you're missing out on life in the present!
It's hard to get any satisfaction or fulfillment from your life if you're not actually present to appreciate it. You will find that if you bring your attention back to what is happening in the present moment, most days will actually be pretty good days – even in the midst of this crisis!
When you find yourself worrying about the future, gently bring yourself back to the present moment using one of these simple techniques:
Let Go of Your Thoughts
When you are under stress, it can be so easy to get “hooked by your thoughts” – which means you get caught up in your thinking. Your thoughts can exert a strong influence over your feelings and actions, so if you are dwelling on the news, or down a rabbit hole of worst case scenarios, you may find yourself being irritable, withdrawn, or snapping at your loved ones.
Try observing your thoughts with openness and curiosity, letting them come and go, instead of holding on to them.
One technique for letting go of your thoughts is to imagine them passing in front of you like leaves in a stream, or clouds floating through the sky. Imagine taking each thought that pops into your head and placing it on a leaf or on a cloud, and let it float on by. From time to time, your thoughts will hook you, and you will get caught up in your thinking. This is normal and natural. As soon as you realize it’s happened, gently acknowledge it and then start the exercise again.
Square Breathing
I love this technique for reducing anxiety in the moment: when you are waiting for test results, or waiting to see your doctor.
Just choose any square in the room - it could be a window, door or picture frame.
Trace the square in the air with your finger. Each side of the square represents one in-breath or one out-breath. As you draw the square, breathe in for a count of 4, then breathe out for a count of 4.
The counting can also be replaced by your favorite mantra or affirmation that you would repeat 4 times to complete the square. Some examples could be, “My body is strong and resilient,” “Every cell in my body is healthy,” or just simply, “I am going to be ok.”
Repeat the phrase 4 times as you complete the square.
Square Breathing will help calm your body by helping you take big, deep breaths. And it gives your mind something to focus on other than worrying about what "might" happen in the future.
Mindfulness Apps
There are so many documented benefits to having a meditation practice, but meditation can feel very intimidating if you haven’t done much of it before. Guided meditations provide a very easy introduction. Just relax, and let the narrator tell you what to do!
You can download the following free apps on your phone or home computer to listen to thousands of guided meditations:
Practice Self-Care
In times of crisis and uncertainty, we have to consciously remind ourselves to practice self-care and self-compassion. Think about what brings you Joy. What fills you up? When you are not feeling good (physically or emotionally) it can be surprisingly hard to remember what can get you back on track. And even on the worst days, it can be the small, simple things that will turn your day around.
Make a Joy List
To prepare for the hard days, write down all of the things that fill you up, lift your spirits, and keep you motivated towards health and healing. Your list could include listening to your favorite music, cuddling with your pet, getting outside into nature or imagining yourself in your favorite spot, connecting with your best friends over the phone or on social media, savoring your favorite food, drink, or treat, following a guided meditation, or watching a funny TV show or uplifting movie.
Another way to add items to your joy list is to think about what would feel soothing to each of your 5 senses. You can use the checklist on the second page of the handout for more ideas, or check out this list by Ingrid Fetell Lee for 50 Ways to Find More Joy.
Self-Compassion
It is pretty natural for most of us to offer compassion to others who are struggling. But is often much harder to cut ourselves a break. Self-compassion has been linked to increased wellbeing and decreased depression and anxiety. During these crazy times, we must not forget to be kind to ourselves! In this video from the Greater Good Science Center, Kristin Neff discusses The Three Components of Self-Compassion and why self-compassion is so important.
Meaning Making
For many people in our society, the rise of COVID19 has caused an existential crisis. The things that people took for granted even a couple of weeks ago are now uncertain: their health, livelihood, lifestyle, and even the petty grievances of everyday life. People who are diagnosed with cancer have already had to grieve similar losses in their own lives. The future that they had always imagined for themselves has been put in doubt.
A situation such as this can lead people to despair. What is the point of all of this? Why do we suffer? Why does fate – who gets sick or remains healthy, who lives and who dies – seem so random?
And how do we begin to find direction and meaning when the future is so uncertain?
While we can never predict the future, we can do the work to orient ourselves towards the things that we value and towards the things that give our lives meaning. In this way, we pull the things that we love closer to us and we let the things that are not important fall away.
The ultimate goal of meaning making – whether during a cancer diagnosis or global pandemic – is to make the most of whatever time we have left in our lives, regardless of how long or how limited that time is.
Finding Sources of Meaning
You can use this document on Meaning-Centered Psychotherapy to identify 4 basic sources of meaning. As you review these definitions, try to write down several sources of meaning in your own life and meaningful moments you have experienced, including through your experience with cancer and the Coronavirus epidemic.
Please Reach Out if You Would Like More Support
I hope this article has given you some ideas about how to calm your body, calm your mind, and find direction in the midst of uncertainty. If you would like to discuss any of these resources further, please reach out to schedule a video counseling session.
Melanie@cocancercounseling.com
720-984-1582
www.cocancercounseling.com
Take good care, everyone! These are difficult times, but we will get through it one day at a time!
Melanie